Okay this one took me a couple days and I didn’t find a lot of time yesterday. It’s not like there’s anything to do (although food back later today – allegedly), but like I said, that’s me. Sorry about the lack of posts.
Michael – Brad Pitt. Shut up, it’s my movie.
Eric – there’s an obvious choice here, but instead I’m going with Ving Rhames. An angry, slightly paranoid Ving Rhames. A Ving Rhames who thinks the enemy is always right around the corner.
Beau – I’m at a loss. Jimmy Smits.
Rachel – scary mature woman who I’m scared to talk to. If I tried to flirt with her she’d tear my eyeballs out. We need a younger Joan Allen. Since this is a fake movie, let’s pretend we have a time machine and get the younger Joan Allen.
Kaysar – that guy from the TV show Lost whose name I don’t know. I think he’s actually Iraqi, too.
Sarah – for our secretly married sweetest girl in the world, let’s go with Jennifer Garner. She’s a fav of mine, I think she’s a sweetheart, and I want to hug her. If I get out and she’s married Ben Affleck, I’ll be like, “crap, she married Ben Affleck.” (btw I don’t have anything against Ben Affleck. He actually seems like a nice guy and is from what I’ve heard.)
Jennifer – This is tough. Jennifer is hot but not at the same time. It’s like it depends on the angles. Let’s go with an actress who I also struggle to decide if she’s good looking or not, Reese Witherspoons.
James – Jonathan Lipnicki
April – Sharon Stone – she’s a little older than April, but that’s fine. She can handle that “more machine now than man” thing April has going for her.
Ivette – Nope, I’m not going the easy route and casting the Invisible Woman; let’s do a Rene Zellweger here. I know she’s not Hispanic (we filled that quota with our color-blind casting of Beau), but her scrunchy-face thing is as annoying as Ivette’s complaining. I used to want to help her out, but I’ve realized she’s just angry in general. If she were happy, it would bug her and make her angry. Plus, I know she married that country guy, but I’ll bet Rene is gay. (like Ivette!)
Janelle – this one is tough, surprisingly. I know about 30 actress/models (read: escorts) who look just like Janelle who live right around me, but let’s cast the smart Janelle and make a more interesting film. Angelina Jolie.
Maggie – Edward Norton
Ashlea – well, considering we’re killing her off in the first scene, let’s call and get an extra on the cheap. This leaves more in the budget for my greatest creation…
Howie – We’re going all CGI here. It’s the only way to go. Kind of a combination of a Huffalump (sp?), King Kong, and a perverted Special Olympian. I would die to be able to sketch out what I’m seeing in my head right now for “The Howalump”.
Well, that’s all. Get Tim Burton to direct and you’ve got a guaranteed opening weekend of like 240 dollars.
[ed. note: obviously this post was composed earlier today